Nerves vs Fear

imageI debated writing a blog before my race on Sunday. I think a big part of me does not want to talk about what I am not proud of. I want to keep my thoughts to myself because my thoughts have completely contradicted everything I preach. However, I tend to do that. The quotes I post on social media are usually the ones I need to hear myself. It’s more ME putting my intentions out there, not just me telling others what I believe in.  So, when I tell others what THEY need to do, it is also me reminding myself of that same advice.

I also think that maybe I need to remind my supporters, clients, friends know I am not perfect. Far from it. I am not some “freak of nature” or “super human”.  I work really hard when I want something, and I can usually push past uncomfortable to get it.  However, going into my big race this weekend…my first ultra marathon….a race I have trained harder for than any race…I feel different then I ever have.

The best way I can describe it is that FEAR has replaced nerves. I feel pre race nerves are healthy. They are normal and can even be used as a way to push you. I experience these before most races as well as a feeling of excitement. for this raceI keep being asked, “are you excited” and I’m not sure how to answer this. As I may have posted on here (or you may know through me personally) I turned my ankle very badly while doing 7 sisters on a training run. It was one of those, “oh no” moments when I immediately thought, which way is the closest to civilization and help.  After the initial shock wore off and I caught my breath I walked it off and realized I was ok. I continued to run and it was bearable enough to get back to the car.

The next day I went out to Guilford to tour part of the race course with the hubs, and while running I turned the ankle again. E was running behind me and yelled when he saw it turn. He kinds freaked. It must have looked pretty ugly. Again, I walked it off, laced up the sneaks a little tighter, and finished the run.

Well, this was the theme for the last 2 months. The ankle would turn every other run, and just a couple weeks ago again pretty bad when running with my brother. Now, I literally strain it doing the stupidest things. Stepping on my dogs bone, stretching my quad, etc.

So, I have become a mental case lately. I have been running mostly on the road or the rail trail in fear of the trails and turning my ankle. What was once my refuge, my happy place, my solitude, now seems to be my biggest enemy. Now, I KNOW WHAT I WOULD TELL MY CLIENT. You are creating the injury in your mind before it happens, thus leading it to happen. So, I’ve got 48 hours to get my mind right. To get my act together. To clear my mind of can’t. To suck it up and run like I have no fear.

I have trained too hard, spent too many hours away from loved ones, too many early wake ups and early bedtimes for this. I need to practice what I preach and start a new vision: finishing the race STRONG, HEALTHY, AND SMILING as I cross the finish line well under my goal time!

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2 thoughts on “Nerves vs Fear

  1. Pingback: My First Ultra Marathon: Bimblers Bluff 50Kish | The World is My Gym

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