I can distinctly remember not too many years ago feeling so lost and unhappy in my life I would regularly break into tears out of nowhere. A time that I felt so trapped and confused that I couldn’t fathom a life of being content and happy. Although I could understand there was a bigger picture I was not seeing, I couldn’t help but see a small tunnel of an anxiety filled life I was living. I was on anxiety medication, over weight, eating unhealthy foods and I constantly felt like crap. I had a bunch of personal issues, and a constant uneasy feeling of my future. I had no idea who I was, what I wanted, and I had lost my spark for life that I once had. I missed a life of teammates and competition and kept thinking this can’t be what life is.
I worked in a corporate office, surrounded with people living the same life. The only happiness came when we celebrated coworkers birthdays, which just meant a 20 minute break for cake. People all around me were living like robots, “surviving” or “hanging in there.” I knew I didn’t belong. I didn’t fit this mold. However, I couldn’t see any other path in life. All I saw around me (as well as all I grew up with) were adults who were just “getting through” each day, going to jobs they don’t like, losing all of the spark they once had for life. My chest felt heavy constantly, trying to figure it all out. I had the “Man In The Tiny Mexican Village” story hanging by my desk and it gave me hope that someone out there understood. Why are we slaving away at jobs to be able to afford “things” that we don’t need? To fit into houses that we buy way too big to fit these “things”? Working all week so we can go out for “happy hour” to relieve the stress of these jobs. Happy “HOUR”? Really!?!?! An hour? That’s what we work all week for?? I just kept thinking, why can’t we just make enough to afford the necessities and spend the rest of our time LIVING life!?! The exact point of the story I had hanging next to my desk. But, that was just a story. It wasn’t real.
In 2009 everything started to change. The first step was taking a big risk byfollowing my heart, and quitting my job in the corporate world. I started a fitness business with my brother, and I suddenly looked forward to work every day. I was surrounded by like minded people who were inspiring me to be better every day. Things we getting much better. I was outside most of the day, and shedding those pounds I had gained in my unhappiness.
Then I came across the So Many Places blog. As I read her words out loud to Erik I would break down and SOB to the point I couldn’t read anymore. He would come sit next to me and hold me as he read the rest of the blog and promised me that one day we will do it. We would escape the rat race and live our AUTHENTIC lives. I would chase after that burning fire in my chest to see this world and live. I had finally found a “real” person doing what I dreamt of. From that day forward my life started to change. I spent the last 6 years surrounding myself with only positivity. I gobbled up every Blog and Instagram account of people like Kim, living their dreams. I read The Secret, The Alchemist, The Four Agreements, and every self help book I could find. I started to truly believe and LIVE a life of sending out positivity and receiving it back. I life of living with intention and changing my THOUGHTS, therefore changing my LIFE!! I took up Transcendental Meditation. I started doing Yoga. I replaced the hip-hop music for soothing music and even country, which just delivered a more positive message. We canceled cable and stopped watching the negative, depressing, news. Instead we watched tons of Documentaries like Food Inc, Vegucated, and Forks over Knives, which would change our diets dramatically, changing to a Vegetarian Clean Diet. I found a whole new type of running, TRAIL RUNNING that I fell in love with. I found competition again, and started to compete in Endurance Races such as Adventure Racing and Ultra Marathons with some of the best in the world. I discovered Motivational Videos and would (and still do) listen to them religiously. My mind, body, and soul did a 180 in the past 6 years.
Today, I had a moment where I broke into tears out of nowhere. I don’t even know how it happened. One minute I was fine, the next I let out a literal sob. I started to assess the situation. PMS? Nope. Over tired? Nope. Sad? Nope. Then I figured it out. I became overwhelmed with how happy I am with life right now. I can distinctly remember my old self and I am overwhelmed by how much has changed since then. Since those days that those daily sobs were tears of fear and anxiety. Those days that I couldn’t see past the unhappiness and weight gain and general feeling of crap. Now, I feel my possibilities in life are endless. I am living a life not far off from that story I had posted at my corporate desk for so many years. However, this life did not come to me. I went out and chased it. I studied it. I was open to it. And now I am living the life of my dreams. If you can only see through that tunnel of life right now, take it from me…there is hope, you just have to be ready for it.